Note : This post was originally published on June 2, 2017.
Tomorrow will be my 5th time performing at Body Rock. That's an insane sentence to type out. But I took some time to look back and reflect on what I thought was my last collegiate performance in 2015 with Common Ground, and everything that has led up to this moment.
This set was definitely a chance to express what had been on my mind during the past year, and I'm thankful Anthony agreed to pursue the theme. The entire day of competition was a mission. I graduated from UCI that morning (not even with the dance department I switched times so I could make it to Body Rock) and sped over to SD to make it in time for 2 run throughs and then we had to be on stage. I didn't even get to tech. What's in the video was my first time on stage that day. You can also catch me crying like a baby (per usual) at 2:33 lmao
The following year, I took on my alumni duties, but my future in dance was uncertain. I had found a home in the community for the past 4 years that I didn't really know where to go next. My time on CG was over, Kenna Inc. took it's curtain call that November, and I was totally and completely lost. Now of course having a break was pretty great for my body, but over time I began to lose my sense of creative self and my self-destructive creative process had taken a toll on me. And it still does. Just this past year I collaborated with Sean, and I couldn't even make up half an 8 count without freezing up and on the verge of tears. I had so many ideas, but they were just trapped in my head, playing on a loop as I drove to and from work.
I knew at this point that I needed to get back into the community somehow and long story short I ended up going to G.O.O.D. Project's recruitment night. I had never been so nervous for an audition since my first year on CG, and by the end of the night my legs were about to fall off lmao.
After a few awkward phone/video interviews, I was accepted and back on the scene. And the rest is history I guess. Getting back in to the swing of things felt great, although it has taken me the entire year to get used to not being in director mode (Robin/Julian/Andrew I'm so sorry thanks for always taking the time to hear me out). And over time, being in a place where I felt extremely comfortable gave me a chance to really think.
Fast forward to now, the day before our last performance together, and looking back I'm glad that I auditioned and I am glad that everyone on G.O.O.D. got to experience the year that we did. The response that we received from our first year competing has been INSANE, and being able to see my teammates grow who have just started out competing has been a pleasure to watch. We were definitely tested as a group, and I definitely complained A LOT (sorry lol), but I know I can look back on my year fondly with this team. So many memeories.
I know what I said.
*but srsly look at them so gr9 3deep5me*
Which brings me to my thought process now. In the past year, besides being on G.O.O.D., I got to experience other things as well. Working full time, being a part of a concept video, FINALLY seeing a psychologist regularly for my debilitating anxiety issues (Dr. Hurst is tight she used to belly dance), MY MAN GETTING 3RD AT MAXT OUT, taking Building Block sessions with the incomparable Mari Madrid, and even getting a chance to teach a G.O.O.D. Friday class (yay areaaa). And not to say that my time on GOOD felt wasted, because honestly I wouldn't have found the inspiration to do/be a part of any of these things without them, but I became more and more aware of how I was seeking out growth from different sources than my collegiate team. When I was on Common Ground, CG training was all I needed at the time because I wanted to be the best collegiate dancer I could be. But now, I truly understand the stagnation that comes with being too comfortable. And I know with my new found confidence in my skills that it's time for me to leave. For real this time.
I mean who knows, maybe I'll do Maxt Out or some sort of exhibition project, but I know that after Body Rock my time competing has come to a close. But if anything I'm excited, because all of my plans for my career that I had had two years ago are all finally coming to fruition. So stay tuned *winky face*.
So I guess for now I just have to say, thank you Common Ground for my foundation, thank you Kenna Inc. for the fun, and thank you G.O.O.D. Project for finding my confidence again.
I'm excited for tomorrow.
#CGYouKnow
#KeeeennnnaaaaaInc.
#WhosGood